Calmer Waters

[ellajam]

Hi, Robert, welcome. Make sure to leave some more meaningful feedback in the workshops so you can participate fully.

I read this as someone on mood stabilizers, or some other method of becoming less volatile, and the little swimmers as the influence of sexual urge. A fun poem, I love a lake.

Here are a few notes:

Hey, Robert here (as the username suggests), this is my first post. I'm 18 and I've been writing for 2 or 3 years, just casually. I thought I'd sign up and get some feedback, so here goes...


Calmer Waters

I haven't frozen over in some time Try some more punctuation when you uncap those line starts.

No one's been walking all over me
Nor have any raging winds
Whipped me into the wrong shape You could rethink "wrong".

Instead I rest careful and calm
My depths are shallower now,
Far too shallow to drown myself in Love this.
But yet, unexplored
By my own admission

Sometimes I watch people gaze into me
And wonder if they guess at what lies beneath
Or do they see their familiar faces on me,
Am I a conduit to what they are?

At night I stir a little
My waves grow restless for new people
To dive into me and drift awhile
I am all too aware of my fish, my own little swimmers
And where they want to go

But this state is better
My stillness is fine by me
Things are better now. Sad but effective end.

Thanks for the read. Go post feedback for someone else.