More Ballad Meter

[Brownlie]

Well aside from the first line, which is five feet long,

I blew a kiss toward the silver sweet (I've no idea what a silver sweet is)

the rest seems to hold more or less to ballad meter. Some of your rhymes seem a tad off, but that may be the way you speak them. For me, such as: airs-tear, and meek-sea.

"easy breezes" sounds like a cover girl commercial.

The only other problem I have is that I have no idea who is speaking, and what they are speaking about, other than it's the sea, and possible sailing upon it.

Such lines as the following simply leave me confused:

"allowing me to dive
Into the fabric’s tear"

Overall you do seem to stick with the ballad meter well, although I did not scan every line, I noticed no bumps in the reading, which is all that matters to me.

Best,


Dale

Thanks for your comment. You made some good catches and provided some useful feedback. I'll make sure to return the favor.