skyscraper

[Leanne]

No worries at all with the style -- it's not something I employ often but as long as it's consistent, I'm happy. You keep it clean, with no end-line punctuation, allowing the line breaks to work for you. I am not entirely keen on breaking on prepositions or conjunctions -- I do it myself occasionally but there should be a purpose, which I'm not seeing in a lot of your lines. It's always best to remember that readers privilege first and last words on a line, so they should be the ones you want to stand out.

I am not entirely sure that "paradoxical" helps at all in the first strophe since you have your neat, subtle little refrain and many of your contrasts throughout. I do like the repetition of "felt" at the start of each strophe -- it stitches the poem together well. You control sound nicely, without overusing alliteration and assonance, and you do use a couple of rhymes that casually link your lines.

I'm not so sure about using "among" twice in S3 -- it doesn't seem a strong enough word to repeat and there are plenty of synonyms. That entire strophe is a little on the "telly" side, actually. "my mind cut open" made me wince with emo-hate

I wonder if you'd consider substituting "all i really want to find" for "all i'm really looking for", or something similar to show the goal instead of the process.

Overall, this is an interesting exploration with some great techniques. Welcome to the Pig Pen!