04-11-2014, 01:22 AM
when the title's a cliche "Tainted Memories" you're not off to a good start.
In the following there is either several typos, or it makes no sense, or both.
Youth, in its naivety, turns the kindest toward rudeness.
“Too young,” unaffected ‘till the end by their choices;
two boys lost to me forever in their crudeness;
in my head a sad stain, the cruelty of their voices.
It kind of blows a satire out of the water when you have a complete stanza that makes no sense.
I would suggest you stick with one point of view, you seem to be falling over your own feet.
Dale
In the following there is either several typos, or it makes no sense, or both.
Youth, in its naivety, turns the kindest toward rudeness.
“Too young,” unaffected ‘till the end by their choices;
two boys lost to me forever in their crudeness;
in my head a sad stain, the cruelty of their voices.
It kind of blows a satire out of the water when you have a complete stanza that makes no sense.
I would suggest you stick with one point of view, you seem to be falling over your own feet.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.