Phantom

[ThePinsir]

A pretty nice sonnet! I think with this 8-6 sonnets the first stanza is supposed to have ABBAABBA - but whatever. It's your poem lol.

As sun-burnt masses scurried to their cars, good alliteration
the black front thundered towards the emptied shore;
the lightning tore ionic, spectral scars
across the sky above the sea-side moor.
A darkness drawn by winds and cast by clouds again, very nice
had thrown its witching shadow on the sands;
it drove away the sunshine with the crowds,
and stormed the castles built by tiny hands. the storm stormed the castles. Hehe.

And there I saw her, standing in the tide
that foamed and frothed and swirled around her feet.
She turned to me and smiled. Something less,
maybe more, than human electrified I don't mind the deviation from the normal meter here, but the place of enjambment makes it read kind of odd
my heart within those eyes: it skipped a beat…
a phantom in a yellow summer dress.

Overall, well done. The meter was great and the imagery was definitely there. Me gusta.