03-26-2014, 11:57 AM
"Elegies in Country Church-yard" Well both writer's names start with Tom, so it must be so!
Not even the crack of dawn is safe with you Tom, are you sure it's "udders veined to burst"? or is that in an utter vain?
Well it does have the break in the line like alliterative verse, or maybe that's a typo?
To me some of the longer line read awkwardly S1L1-2, and S4 L1-2.
And really Tom "polyester". And what does "tease the polyester knots from wire"
"puddled silver rivets, nailed by gnarled and leant" I didn't know rivets were nailed, I could have sworn they were riveted.
And when you say, " nailed by gnarled and leant, bent trees." do you mean they were nailed nearby leant, bent trees, or did these arthritic trees do the nailing themselves?
I do like this stanza, or whatever you call them:
"Greened up beaded scented miles, sods cling clumped on ten ton boots,
agape around his crusted uppers, flapping, slapping, stepping, morn.
stomp the land
stomp the clay
stomp away."
Not only does it read fairly smoothly, but it paints a clear picture of walking through mud, and almost gives it a mythic feel.
So this is a mixed bag for me, but maybe I'm to dense ti understand what it is you are doing here.
Dale
Not even the crack of dawn is safe with you Tom, are you sure it's "udders veined to burst"? or is that in an utter vain?
Well it does have the break in the line like alliterative verse, or maybe that's a typo?
To me some of the longer line read awkwardly S1L1-2, and S4 L1-2.
And really Tom "polyester". And what does "tease the polyester knots from wire"
"puddled silver rivets, nailed by gnarled and leant" I didn't know rivets were nailed, I could have sworn they were riveted.
And when you say, " nailed by gnarled and leant, bent trees." do you mean they were nailed nearby leant, bent trees, or did these arthritic trees do the nailing themselves?
I do like this stanza, or whatever you call them:
"Greened up beaded scented miles, sods cling clumped on ten ton boots,
agape around his crusted uppers, flapping, slapping, stepping, morn.
stomp the land
stomp the clay
stomp away."
Not only does it read fairly smoothly, but it paints a clear picture of walking through mud, and almost gives it a mythic feel.
So this is a mixed bag for me, but maybe I'm to dense ti understand what it is you are doing here.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.