Look to the sky

[ChristopherSea]

I was looking to the skies for a UFO and I think you have an interesting sighting in those last two lines. I like the slow and pretty build up, but it would be better to elaborate your metaphor further for the 'you'. Why are they obscure/transparent/hard to glimpse etc? The introduction and punch-line are here. You could add some more in between the two to develop more interest and motivation for your extended metaphor. Thanks for the post and I look forward to your next edit./Chris