03-19-2014, 04:16 AM
Hello Tom,
First impressions -I'm likeing this a lot. But a couple of the lines are causing me some trouble, but only on my second read through so plenty of time yet.
First though must say how much i love line 1 and the four line in St 3. They are just wonderful - i find myself repeating them just for the pleasure of the sound and the fun of it.
But line 2 just leaves me cold. It feels odd and the actual meaning is strained. Perhaps it is just my read, but i want a commar after right.
I am still reading and processing this so might be back with more.
Meanwhile, I'm not sure how you will feel about this suggestion in terms of meaning, but I keep reading turns the ear into tunes the ear.
All the best AJ.
First impressions -I'm likeing this a lot. But a couple of the lines are causing me some trouble, but only on my second read through so plenty of time yet.
First though must say how much i love line 1 and the four line in St 3. They are just wonderful - i find myself repeating them just for the pleasure of the sound and the fun of it.
But line 2 just leaves me cold. It feels odd and the actual meaning is strained. Perhaps it is just my read, but i want a commar after right.
I am still reading and processing this so might be back with more.
Meanwhile, I'm not sure how you will feel about this suggestion in terms of meaning, but I keep reading turns the ear into tunes the ear.
All the best AJ.