First Remembrances - First Edit

[heslopian]

I remember them then, though dimly.
They walked in silence eating plums
not because they were in love,
but because they felt nothing. A really strong first verse, creating a crisp and solid image, and a profoundly devastating ennui in its last line.

Some days she would strip
off her stockings, hanging them like severed legs across the door frame; Though some might complain that it's too long, this is a really good line. The "severed legs" simile perfectly mixes domesticity and horror.
both of them knowing love was a dishonest word, Both of the stockings? "He" hasn't been introduced in this verse, so this line's a little confused.
but wanting to be known.

In the mornings she drank coffee like water,
cleansing her throat with heat,
vainly seeking in the empty cup
some small sip of truth. A tad forced in its reaching for profundity, but sharply written as a verse.

Shuffling back and forth across the threshold
I watched, transfixed by her steaming eyes.
I fed my plastic doll with tiny fingers,
tenderly stroking her black, untidy hair. Perfect last verse. You were wise to save the narrator's identity until the end. It's all the more poignant for that.

I really enjoyed this poem. It feels like a gentle confessional piece, sad and painful, but not angry or cruel. The appropriate word, I think, is melancholic. It's a lovely piece, with nice soft lines, strong images and realistic characters. Thank you for the read