Standing at a lonely concourse

[ChristopherSea]

Tom, I love the action herein and your characterization of airport hustle and hassle. My critique involves the use of this passage:

"Do you have checked baggage?
Did you pack this bag yourself?"
All I have to carry
I carry on myself.

It may be employed to set up the close or establish conversation deployment in the piece, but do you really need it? For me it inhibited the flow and rat race through the concourse.

Another observation is in regard to your answer to the question: "Do you have anything else to declare?" It begins with ‘Only’, that seems to weaken the strength of your significant declaration. Why not use an emphatic ‘Yes’? Also, the statement is a bit drawn out, slightly diluted and quasi-cliché with ‘until the end’, ‘will always’, ‘any.’ You may want to consider editing the line for brevity and poignancy. For purely example only, something like: ‘Yes, I miss my complicated lover and simplest friend.’ could serve you better. See what you think, should you consider editing.

Thank you for sharing a superior piece, I thoroughly enjoyed this one!/Chris