The Kids Ain't Alright (Formerly Scoop Him Up) edit #2.1

[ellajam]

re: tonal

I like the portrait of the child at the start - spot on.

I like...

"reclaiming their worn out
party shoes, but what glittered is guilt
ridden,"

Especially the placement of 'ridden'.

But there is in general, too much of the feckless poor.

It's like you are saying something about yourself rather than them - if the kid was mine... yadda, yadda....

Thanks, I'll surely take that onto consideration on the next edit, see if I can clean that out.