02-21-2014, 09:16 AM
Hi,
I'm not sure the line "an image transforms the instant of love" makes sense, should you perhaps say "instance of love"? Also, can words be incompetent? I know what you mean here but it just doesn't read well to me - it was distracting.
Otherwise I like the connection of body and spirit you are trying to make. It's a very big subject you're tackling and I think you could do with expanding on the story you're telling, a little less abstractly.
I'm not sure the line "an image transforms the instant of love" makes sense, should you perhaps say "instance of love"? Also, can words be incompetent? I know what you mean here but it just doesn't read well to me - it was distracting.
Otherwise I like the connection of body and spirit you are trying to make. It's a very big subject you're tackling and I think you could do with expanding on the story you're telling, a little less abstractly.