True Love

[Jae Mc Donnell]

Edit 2
I’ll lay my breath close to mothers’ cheek,
my back curves naturally to earths' will,
my thoughts get lost amongst the stars,
scares of moments long passed,
incandescent marks on the eons black dusk mask

As I risk breath, in and then out,
I’m left with little doubt
that 'real love' is not set aside for the gods,
but set in rust, hearts and blood,
it is the great I Am and without it we are not

In both lines one and two you've chosen to pluralize both mothers and earths. I feel like these are usually used in the singular so the apostrophe should be placed before the "s".

In line three I feel like "are lost" has more of the dreamy and peaceful (and soft) feel of your piece than "get lost" does, but that's just a personal preference.

In line four did you really mean "scares"? In reading it I almost think you meant "scars".

In line five, I believe eons should be possessive in this context and something about the "black dusk mask" seems to be a bit of overkill for me.

Really like the final stanza.

I really enjoyed this one. Thanks for the read. Beautiful imagery.

Hello BedsideFungus, thank you for your review, I am grateful for your time taken.
Yes you were right on all accounts.
I have made edits above. Thanks again