The Void-First revision

[Erthona]

There are too many points for me to give the reason why you should not do some of this stuff, you can accept that it's not a good idea, figure out why it's not a good idea, or ignore the comments. Up to you.
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I like the idea of you focusing more. Drop the science fiction and stay with the facts. This is just distracting:

"Existential thoughts drift through
The minds of all beings.
Dreams bouncing off the walls of spacecrafts,
Planets, satellites, stars and moons. "
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Stay away from the conjecture, even if it is rhetorical

"Have we come so far to let that happen?
Can we prevent it if we wanted to? "

What is the point of asking those questions. You need to think about why you are writing what you're writing.
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Stay away from the hypothetical:

"Perhaps a black hole will come along "
or perhaps it won't.
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Stay away from making Carl Sagen statements:

"Behold the universe!"
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The following is just an example, not a suggestion, but it gives you something to compare to what you have, and a way to examine the differences.

Void

The universe,
a black void expanding outward.
Black holes crush and tear celestial bodies:
scattering rock, ice, water, fire, gas,
flesh and blood?
Disintegrating everything.

We are reborn.
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Dale