The Void-First revision

[ralex003]

Ok, first line by line in god knows how long. But you have touched on something interesting, so... And just a note, I am not going to highlight any punctuation or spelling errors. I am not your english teacher. And most spelling and punctuation mistakes are so obviously typos or oversights or deliberate I don't know why people mention them in critiques (unless deliberate and the question could be raised 'why?'). In which case, my advice on that score is look closely.

I'm a beginner poet, and I really want criticism on my writing. I'm a journalist, so I'm used to getting criticized. Don't be afraid to tell me exactly what to fix. Thank you. Here it goes. And just a note, I am not going to highlight any punctuation of spelling errors. I am not your english teacher. And most spelling and punctuation mistakes are typos or oversights or deliberate. In which case, my advice on that score is look closely)

Behold the universe! — logically doesn't make much sense, but ok, I'll stick with it.
Inky black void, glowing white balls of gas dotting — again, I think you are talking about space and not the universe (and even then a very specific part of space visible from earth). Doesn't 'inky black void' sound a bit weak? A lot weak? And I must say that trying to, in diagrammatic terms, explode a naturally poetic word such as 'stars' into some kind of prosaic description 'glowing white balls of gas' is a peculiarity of new poets, and a habit that one should get out of right away.
The virgin frontier slowly expanding outward. — I like this, the virgin frontier. Like the universe is a rapist and perpetually fucking a virgin.
Will it collapse inward? — I don't think this line is necessary, at least potentially it could add a very interesting idea to the 'virgin' thing before, but it sounds a bit pretentious.

Stars guide explorers to unexplored areas — the word choice 'areas' horrible. Even 'places' would be better, not much, but better.
Existential thoughts drift through
The minds of all beings. — oh dear, I will try to keep this as brief as possible (it's a struggle) this sounds like a line written by a child who has just heard the word 'existential'. It really has no place here. No actually, this is possibly the worst two lines of poetry I have ever read, I actually feel stupider after reading it.
Dreams bouncing off the walls of spacecrafts,
Planets, satellites, stars and moons. — ok, this is a good idea, in fact a beautiful idea. And I like that you have used a list that breaks the rule of 3. I love it when that happens. But, 'dreams bouncing off' sounds a bit flat, and you went to all the trouble of avoiding the word star unnecessarily, and then use the word 'dream' when you could have done with some creative explosion

Perhaps a black hole will come along
And swallow all in its path, — 'everything in its path' sounds less crap.
Crushing celestial bodies
Pulling them apart scattering rock, ice, water, fire, gas, flesh and blood. — again, love the broken rule of 3. And in my opinion the longer the list the better. I would love to read a poem that is just a list of words.
Until all matter disintegrates into nothing
Or is flung into another dimension where
We are reborn. — I would have left out 'into nothing', it seems superfluous. 'Flung' great word choice.

Have we come so far to let that happen? — I don't get this line.
Can we prevent it if we wanted to? — these two lines should be thrown out, they add nothing, and sound silly.
Why can’t we just lie down
And close our eyes and cover our ears
With snug headsets blocking out
The roaring of the world collapsing? — the finale isn't great. The question doesn't really add anything. Maybe a complete re-write of the conclusion. Yes, definitely. Although, I do like 'the roaring of the world collapsing', just like the idea of that, but in the context of the poem I am not sure what it means or why it is there.

Thank you! I need these critiques. Poetry is the most difficult form of writing for me to get and always has been, but I want to get it right.