Sunday afternoon-- edit 3

[ellajam]

Hi, cloudy, so much so well done here. A few notes:

Red lines crisscross brown hairs on her arm. If you cut this line you start on the so strong second line that for me says the same thing, but better
She wears a ring of round red cigarette burns
and three-quarter-sleeves—a bracelet Great, clear image of state of mind, I don't know if explaining it below helps or hurts the poem.
bearing to the world her current state of mind.
Chatter and samba swirl unnoticed in the air Again, great clear arrow to state of mind
as I crawl into her brain, a red-faced deep-sea diver, I love this line, so well describes the situation
in front of two Starbucks cups, empty for hours,
ensuring our right to the table. Lines turn to ruby lips,
spitting bitter tastes to the ground. The bile spreads Not a fan of "tastes".
under my chair, and trickles out the door. Strong end

Interesting poem, thanks for the read.