people telling me I suck

[ellajam]

Hi, cheyrn, I'm going to give it another go and try to point out what is unclear to me. I agree the poem should need no explanation so I admit, I did not read yours too closely.

What I said in another post about being afraid of being crushed was not accurate. I don't get crushed by criticism very easily. It's what I am here for. I meant that I notice myself hesitating.

Ooh, baby ooh

you were my only precious love
you taught me how to disappear
within my adolescent whims
crushed by the man
who ripped the veil off
of my pleasure

he, the rapist, made me equal
to his kind
to my kind now

You were my only precious love,
you taught me how to disappear
within my adolescent whims.

I was crushed by the man
who ripped the veil off
of my pleasure.
He, the rapist, made me equal
to his kind
to my kind now.

Is this what you mean?

born unfit for woman kind who was born, you, girl or rapist?
I see you still behind your shell
I feign a smile and wish you well
my only love right there inside you
slave to time by your own choosing. I We're all slaves to time, please explain how in this case it is a choice
wanted guilt for my abusing who wanted guilt?
but there was none

and now I give apologies I still need more to understand apologies to attacker
to anyone who takes the knife
and drives it through me

you were my only precious love
I held you once
and you unraveled
now you’re selling you as chattle
but there was no bell to answer I don't understand the bell

that was my time
forever after
I still can kiss you
in my dreams

I once observed
a shining sphere
it promised me
to bring you near

and I believed it
luckily

I hope this gives you a start.