people telling me I suck

[ellajam]

Hi, cheyrn, and welcome.

I can't say much about your poem yet because I just can't make sense of it, starting at S1. Is the rapist the precious love? If not, where is the separation? I'm gender confused throughout here. It may just be me, but I can't follow it. Maybe punctuation would help, maybe not. I hope someone else can be of more help to you.

Again, welcome.

What I said in another post about being afraid of being crushed was not accurate. I don't get crushed by criticism very easily. It's what I am here for. I meant that I notice myself hesitating.

Ooh, baby ooh

you were my only precious love
you taught me how to disappear
within my adolescent whims
crushed by the man
who ripped the veil off
of my pleasure

he, the rapist, made me equal
to his kind
to my kind now

born unfit for woman kind
I see you still behind your shell
I feign a smile and wish you well
my only love right there inside you
slave to time by your own choosing. I
wanted guilt for my abusing
but there was none

and now I give apologies
to anyone who takes the knife
and drives it through me

you were my only precious love
I held you once
and you unraveled
now you’re selling you as chattle
but there was no bell to answer

that was my time
forever after
I still can kiss you
in my dreams

I once observed
a shining sphere
it promised me
to bring you near

and I believed it
luckily