“Lucky” number seven. Edit 1

[rowens]

A cold tone is fine, whatever that means. You would just feel it and still be interested in the poem. The main problem is the sketchiness of it, the fragmented sense that is partly because of the way you've used or not used punctuation and the way you've handled your lines. Some of that fragmented feeling can be used since, like you say, you're wanting to have a rapport between worlds.

I'll read the other version you posted.