Diatribe of the Virgin Homosexual

[heslopian]

my Sodom is deserted,
the frame houses razed
and the cinders removed,
the lone salt idol long vanished
(she was a woman anyway).

my windows are open
but no one climbs in,
no trainer on the sill
signals a presence,
only the cold
washes through the trees
like a housewife scrubbing
her son's underpants.

on screen men like me
are Byronic studs,
courting their fellows
like characters from
one of Oscar Wilde's wet dreams.
with shining torsos
and tormented eyes
they lust and long
and discover themselves
while awaiting an award
for their bravery.

why are these actors always white?
always with perfect arses and
high on faux testosterone,
leaning and wincing like apes,
as though a hint of effeminacy
is the sign of a lesser human?

I was not raised in Wyoming,
the sixties precede the year of my birth,
I'm not a cowboy
nor do I tend sheep,
so why am I supposed to find common ground
with the story of Brokeback Mountain?

were the love scenes that tender?
or were they simply erection starters?

perhaps I'm just bitter?
yes, that's probably it.
when you're nineteen and never been kissed
and girls want to make you their fey wind up toy,
and men ask with horrified fascination,
like gawkers at the scene of some gruesome crime,
just how you can do "what you guys do,"
bitterness spreads like stain on a sheet
from a newly slain hymen.

[billy]

my Sodom is deserted,
the frame houses razed
and the cinders removed,
the lone salt idol long vanished
(she was a woman anyway). wouldn't change a thing in the 1st

my windows are open
but no one climbs in, this could be a sexual metaphor lol i love it
no trainer on the sill
signals a presence,
only the cold
washes through the trees would washing work better?
like a housewife kneading
fresh white dough. not sure the simile works well enough(Don't laugh but would 'fresh white underpants work?)

on screen men like me should there be a comma after screen?
are Byronic studs,
courting their fellows
like characters from
one of Oscar Wilde's wet dreams. strong lines
with shining torsos
and tormented eyes
they lust and long feels cliché
and discover themselves
while awaiting an award
for their bravery.

why are these actors always white?
always with perfect arses and
high on faux testosterone,
leaning and wincing like apes,
as though a hint of effeminacy
is the sign of a lesser human? i would change a thing in this verse

I was not raised in Wyoming,
the sixties precede the year of my birth,
I'm not a cowboy
nor do I tend sheep,
so why am I supposed to find common ground
with the story of Brokeback Mountain? great two lines great question

were the love scenes that tender?
or were they simply erection starters? good couplet and image

perhaps I'm just bitter?
yes, that's probably it.
when you're nineteen and never been kissed
and girls want to make you their fey wind up toy,
and men ask with horrified fascination,
like gawkers at the scene of some gruesome crime,
just how you can do "what you guys do,"
bitterness spreads like stain on a sheet
from a newly slain hymen. i personally don't think this line is needed, for me it makes the poem weaker

it has a real feel of a male Sylvia jack, sardonic, cold, cruel, (no cruelty intended)
it's tell and showy at the same time. it's like brushing past grey flannel skirts in the sixties. i think you've captured an image, feeling if you will of being an outsider perfectly. the poem carries anger and pain and also a resignation as to ones lot in life,
it also felt extremely sad. all JMO of course.
there was much to like about the read jack, thanks.

[heslopian]

I love that you compared me to Sylvia Plath, not just because I like her work, but because that kind of cruel, sardonic haughtiness was what I was going for with this piece.
I like your interpretation of the second verse's opening couplet! I find it funny how some of my words seem sexual in hindsight when at time I was blissfully unaware of such connotations.
The funny thing is I did actually write "washing" at first, but changed it at the last minute because I didn't like the repeated "ing" sounds with that word and "kneading." I'll stop being anally retentive and change it back in a mo.
I agree with your point about the dough simile. I find it weird and truncated; I think I added it simply for the sake of having a simile (which is also probably what happened with the "slain hymen" close, though I found that phrase oddly amusing as well). "Fresh white underpants" would work, it would work very well, but I feel slightly strange about taking someone else's original line. Maybe it's just my ego.
As for the "lust and long" line, I intended it to be cliche as a way of mocking the genre conventions, but if that irony didn't come across I'll consider changing it.
Thank you as always for your kind words and feedback Billy.

[billy]

i used to say, i can't use someones word when i did an edit, but if we think about it thats what we look for from feedback a bit of input. whether you get underpants from me, or you see the word ina news paper or a dictionary or you were taught it by your mum, the thing is you got it from somewhere or some one other than yourself. that i or anyone reminds you of a word you already know about doesn't matter. we take what can and use it where we will. unbelievably, i do not own the copyrights toe the word 'underpants'

[heslopian]

You have a point. Though I still don't want your underpants. Unless they're dangling from my headboard Your simile, however, I think I shall use.

EDIT: Changed "kneading/fresh white dough" to "scrubbing/her son's underpants."

[billy]

hehe, for some reason it makes me laugh (i like it by the way)

[heslopian]

I'd completely forgotten about this poem until you commented, BedsideFungus I feel like it was written milleniums ago... Thank you for your kind advice

[Wildcard]

my Sodom is deserted,
the frame houses razed
and the cinders removed,
the lone salt idol long vanished --disintegrated instead? Vanished doesn't seem to capture it. I want something here that says 'was blown away by the wind', etc.
(she was a woman anyway).

my windows are open
but no one climbs in, -- 'my window is open' would make this already great pair of lines a little more personal, imo
no trainer on the sill
signals a presence,
only the cold
washes through the trees
like a housewife scrubbing
her son's underpants. -- great way of wording this. I see the dutiful connection

on screen men like me
are Byronic studs,
courting their fellows
like characters from
one of Oscar Wilde's wet dreams. --brings a smile
with shining torsos
and tormented eyes -- is 'tormented' right for this? Do you literally mean to say that they are tormented internally, or do you mean with lust? If the latter, I'd say 'fiery' would serve better, jmo
they lust and long
and discover themselves
while awaiting an award
for their bravery.

why are these actors always white?
always with perfect arses and
high on faux testosterone,
leaning and wincing like apes,
as though a hint of effeminacy
is the sign of a lesser human? --straight to the heart of the poem, right here.

I was not raised in Wyoming,
the sixties precede the year of my birth,
I'm not a cowboy
nor do I tend sheep,
so why am I supposed to find common ground
with the story of Brokeback Mountain? -- this seems a little preachy and not as distant as I'd like it to be-- I know I was saying 'personal' earlier, but you know how getting to know too much about a person changes your opinion of them? Well this was a little whiny and caused me to view the work that way. Just being honest.

were the love scenes that tender?
or were they simply erection starters?

perhaps I'm just bitter? -- . . . and then I feel a good return connection at this admission. I'm not sure if it is enough but it certainly is a good balance
yes, that's probably it.
when you're nineteen and never been kissed
and girls want to make you their fey wind up toy,
and men ask with horrified fascination,
like gawkers at the scene of some gruesome crime,
just how you can do "what you guys do,"
bitterness spreads like stain on a sheet
from a newly slain hymen. I really like how you brought this down to an end, but I would have to argue about 'slain' . . .

As always, your work is not only original and thoughtful, but also excellent.

Thanks for sharing

[ellajam]

vanished/dissolved, and I like the newly slain hymen.