01-13-2014, 12:04 AM
milo - as obvious as it seems once its pointed out, I honestly didn't even realize I was "verbless". I'll redo and try something again and as for the sentances.. I don't know why I included punctuation as I feel it takes away from the poem.. so I'll look into that as well
billy - this is all new to me, so I appreciate your advice.. as for the snowflakes loving, it was more of a way of expressing their gentle nature but if I used the word caressing I guess that would have taken care of that, hence the need for less words. And whats wrong with cliches?! haha.. I'll try some other wording and see what I can come up with.
Thanks both of you, I really appreciate the upfront and honest feedback. It was hard to find so this is fantastic!
billy - this is all new to me, so I appreciate your advice.. as for the snowflakes loving, it was more of a way of expressing their gentle nature but if I used the word caressing I guess that would have taken care of that, hence the need for less words. And whats wrong with cliches?! haha.. I'll try some other wording and see what I can come up with.
Thanks both of you, I really appreciate the upfront and honest feedback. It was hard to find so this is fantastic!
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." - Ralph Waldo Emerson