Mountain
#3
a good list poem needs a little cohesion. and less repetition.
look out for things like

Snowflakes floating down from above, from above isn't needed.

do snowflakes love?

cut out any wasted words, connect some of the line and replace any repetition.
one of your main problems is cliche. the first 3 lines are such, try and use fresh phrases and images.
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Messages In This Thread
Mountain - by teejai - 01-12-2014, 12:40 PM
RE: Mountain - by milo - 01-12-2014, 01:42 PM
RE: Mountain - by billy - 01-12-2014, 03:32 PM
RE: Mountain - by teejai - 01-13-2014, 12:04 AM
RE: Mountain - by billy - 01-13-2014, 11:54 AM
RE: Mountain - by kingmicahde - 01-13-2014, 08:25 AM



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