12-19-2013, 10:41 PM
Bound not by shackles of this world
That's one of those automatic first lines.
But of sacrifices by martyrs
A too natural second line. Natural, but flat and a little clumsy.
A right many have lost
A gift some were given
More flat train of thought.
To walk among the sunset
To live the dreams of this world
It gets more flat as it goes. Walking among the sunset probably isn't saying more than it seems to be.
dare desire to silent my dreams
I too shall become a marthyr
That's one of those automatic first lines.
But of sacrifices by martyrs
A too natural second line. Natural, but flat and a little clumsy.
A right many have lost
A gift some were given
More flat train of thought.
To walk among the sunset
To live the dreams of this world
It gets more flat as it goes. Walking among the sunset probably isn't saying more than it seems to be.
dare desire to silent my dreams
I too shall become a marthyr