12-18-2013, 12:10 AM
I like the lines
"Sheltered from the jingling tunes
until by text sent through the air:"
The layaway piece feels out of place. I think this would be a better poem without the first four lines. Nice work.
"Sheltered from the jingling tunes
until by text sent through the air:"
The layaway piece feels out of place. I think this would be a better poem without the first four lines. Nice work.

