[The Futility of Lamentation]

[beaufort]

[The Futility of Lamentation]

Due to the harsh weather, leave out "the" here
I'm stuck at home this morning I would leave out "this morning"
for longer than usual,

unbeknownst to the dogs,
who are locked up in the basement. I would leave out "up"

Still, they whine and howl,
bemoaning their aloneness. I think this line is fine. If you want to change it you could change the focus from their aloneness to your absence, something like "bemoaning my imagined absence"

It strikes me that I'm no less naive
to lament the absence
of those who never truly departed.
how about:
"Perhaps I am no less naive,
in lamenting the absence
of those not truly departed." ??

Just thoughts, hope they are helpful. Best, Linda


I took some (most) crit and I left some crit from when I posted this in Novice. I very much appreciated all of it, but some of it altered the tone and meaning of the poem too much for my liking.

Here are my primary concerns:

I'm looking for a word other than aloneness that communicates the state of being alone but is also free of connotations. For example, "solitude" has the connotation that the aloneness is self-imposed and serene.

The final stanza is giving me headaches. I'm contemplating changing it to something like the following:

It strikes me that it's much the same
to mourn.

Or,

I think my mourning
is much the same.

Very brief and to the point, but it seems to lose depth. Gahh, I don't know.

Tear it apart!