[The Futility of Lamentation]

[ellajam]

[The Futility of Lamentation]

Due to the harsh weather,
I'm stuck at home this morning
for longer than usual,

unbeknownst to the dogs,
who are locked up in the basement.

Still, they whine and howl,
bemoaning their aloneness.

It strikes me that I'm no less naive
to lament the absence
of those who never truly departed.


I took some (most) crit and I left some crit from when I posted this in Novice. I very much appreciated all of it, but some of it altered the tone and meaning of the poem too much for my liking.

Here are my primary concerns:

I'm looking for a word other than aloneness that communicates the state of being alone but is also free of connotations. For example, "solitude" has the connotation that the aloneness is self-imposed and serene.

The final stanza is giving me headaches. I'm contemplating changing it to something like the following:

It strikes me that it's much the same
to mourn.

Or,

I think my mourning
is much the same.

Very brief and to the point, but it seems to lose depth. Gahh, I don't know.

Tear it apart!

I know this is a lightweight comment for serious, and I'll think on your aloneness problem, but I've read this a lot and think your final stanza works well as is. Certainly consider all crits, but please don't rush into a major change there. No need to dumb it down, "lament the absence" is a fine way to say mourning, and "never truly departed" is faceted, a good thing.