12-07-2013, 05:14 AM
Oh good lord, I am keeping the brony comments to myself :p
I know it's fun, but it's a sonnet, and I can't help pick sonnets apart a little bit... L3, "forever" is a bit of a filler, maybe "your charm and wit are sparkling, lacking flaw" (because cliches aren't going to hurt in a fun sonnet). L6 is awkward too -- in my accent, I'd change it to "a generosity ne'er (or not) seen before", but if you're American then that won't rhyme with jaw. Love "everypony", that's a clever little touch.
Then we have the volta, and the change in tone is perfect
The sestet has many laughs in it -- and is definitely brony-worthy.
I know it's fun, but it's a sonnet, and I can't help pick sonnets apart a little bit... L3, "forever" is a bit of a filler, maybe "your charm and wit are sparkling, lacking flaw" (because cliches aren't going to hurt in a fun sonnet). L6 is awkward too -- in my accent, I'd change it to "a generosity ne'er (or not) seen before", but if you're American then that won't rhyme with jaw. Love "everypony", that's a clever little touch.
Then we have the volta, and the change in tone is perfect
The sestet has many laughs in it -- and is definitely brony-worthy.
It could be worse