A Nature's Revelation

[Keith]

The kindness in you
was rivalled only by those moments
of perfect sense and clarity,
when you'd teach me something about human nature
which I hadn't considered before.

This makes me think of sitting in church listening to a sermon I particularly enjoyed the phrasing and have nothing to add or change it sets up the religious theme nicely.

Now, as a driveway dotted with leaves
evokes a single image,
despite its thousand components; Not sure components works its a cold word reminds me of plug tops and fuses
pebble, curb and leaf;

I take from this that things are always more complicated than they seem.

as a bus pulls into its stop,
emitting and admitting equally;

yin and yang the balance of life I like this very much

as I sit in the local college
filling out forms,
and winter's excesses without
are exorcised within;


as all of this happens and is, this line ties the revelations together really well

you're taken away.
The obscene altar my brother whispered about,
your disordered rooms and unswallowed pills,
are taken from you, your spirit having
dwindled down to madness, a bothersome bitch
with God as its excuse. The victim of your own human nature,
which you never quite revealed to me.

Nothing I would change here a great closing stanza descending into madness with excellent images, disordered rooms and unswallowed pills great stuff

I think you can tell I really like this with some minor crit and I don't think there is too much of you in it (maybe the altar) as you say but not too much to change. Thanks Keith