11-23-2013, 01:08 AM
My derriere was bare the day
I like that fine imagery.
I cooked his favorite meal
Lines like this can always work; but it seems almost like filler. It seems a commonplace idea to pop into someone's head: saying too much without saying anything.
in oven mitts and heels to add
a pinch of sex appeal.
These things work in rhyming poems, even the old popular poets do it. Adding too much that says nothing for the rhythm or the rhyme. This is what I think anyway. Of course there's sex appeal, that goes without saying.
My derriere was bare the day
I cooked in oven mitts and heels
Gives everything without feeling too top heavy.
I smirked because it seemed to work.
He licked his parted lips
and gave me sweaty fantasies,
complete with cuffs and whips.
These rhythms don't work well. But it has a light-hearted tone, so it's not all that important to worry about. Something could be smoothed out though.
His hungry eyes excited me
between my tingling thighs
until I saw his gaze was on
my cooling cherry pies.
It doesn't read smoothly, that's all. I could imagine much more to a scene like this, and better words to describe it. But I've had lots of practice imagining these scenes.
I like that fine imagery.
I cooked his favorite meal
Lines like this can always work; but it seems almost like filler. It seems a commonplace idea to pop into someone's head: saying too much without saying anything.
in oven mitts and heels to add
a pinch of sex appeal.
These things work in rhyming poems, even the old popular poets do it. Adding too much that says nothing for the rhythm or the rhyme. This is what I think anyway. Of course there's sex appeal, that goes without saying.
My derriere was bare the day
I cooked in oven mitts and heels
Gives everything without feeling too top heavy.
I smirked because it seemed to work.
He licked his parted lips
and gave me sweaty fantasies,
complete with cuffs and whips.
These rhythms don't work well. But it has a light-hearted tone, so it's not all that important to worry about. Something could be smoothed out though.
His hungry eyes excited me
between my tingling thighs
until I saw his gaze was on
my cooling cherry pies.
It doesn't read smoothly, that's all. I could imagine much more to a scene like this, and better words to describe it. But I've had lots of practice imagining these scenes.