Adding Spice
#2
(11-22-2013, 09:13 AM)tigrflye Wrote:  My derriere was bare the day
I cooked his favorite meal
in oven mitts and heels to add
a pinch of sex appeal.

I smirked because it seemed to work. seems a bit top heavy compared to your other lines.
He licked his parted lips
and gave me sweaty fantasies,
complete with cuffs and whips.

His hungry eyes excited me
between my tingling thighs
until I saw his gaze was on
my cooling cherry pies.
Hey tiger,
Looks good to me other than v2/L1. A few punctuation issues in there also but they are easy fixes for you. also, I think a fourth verse would work here because it would build the suspense a bit more. Perhaps you can throw the guy out or something like that. I just think you have some room to play around some more. Fun read though
Thanks,
Chazz
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Messages In This Thread
Adding Spice - by tigrflye - 11-22-2013, 09:13 AM
RE: Adding Spice - by Charlesjoseph - 11-22-2013, 12:03 PM
RE: Adding Spice - by tigrflye - 11-22-2013, 08:55 PM
RE: Adding Spice - by ChristopherSea - 11-23-2013, 12:47 AM
RE: Adding Spice - by tigrflye - 11-23-2013, 01:39 AM
RE: Adding Spice - by rowens - 11-23-2013, 01:08 AM



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