11-21-2013, 05:19 PM
Hi Todd,
First off I think this is developing very nicely - it is eminently readable, so on this level alone is a winner.
@ anyone else out there looking in on this; I would recommend reading through all the chapters together. Reading a chapter a week at school in a class was always death to even the best books. Read as a whole, this has much more life and makes a good read.
Todd I have only had chance to read this through once so far. My comment / suggestion at this stage is that you might benefit from showing a little bit more of Ally's life. I was quite relieved when you finally jumped to a cut with her perspective / narrative, as my comment up to that point was going to be this will get tedious unless you develop some of the other characters. I was thinking about what made a good book (or film) for me and decided that although I am a sucker for the underdog / hero stories, I also like it when the plot has twists of other lives for me to identify with beyond the dynamic duo. I need someone to identify with and empathise with.
For example in Forrest Gump - I sided / identified with lieutenant Dan.
in Meet Joe Black - Quincy was definitely my favourite as well.
in Lord of the rings I liked Sam (Frodo was such a wet wimp about life)
I am always looking for a character in a story I can empathise or identify with and this will not normally be the main player. To be able to do this I need to know some details about them. (otherwise the story becomes a two dimensional zombie plot - even if the story is a Disney special about fluffy bunnies)
I appreciate that this comment might be jumping the gun and this is early days yet in the development of the story. I'm just putting a thought out there - more details / cameos on the sub characters needed for my tastes.
Hope these thoughts help. I will be following your posts with interest. AJ.
First off I think this is developing very nicely - it is eminently readable, so on this level alone is a winner.
@ anyone else out there looking in on this; I would recommend reading through all the chapters together. Reading a chapter a week at school in a class was always death to even the best books. Read as a whole, this has much more life and makes a good read.
Todd I have only had chance to read this through once so far. My comment / suggestion at this stage is that you might benefit from showing a little bit more of Ally's life. I was quite relieved when you finally jumped to a cut with her perspective / narrative, as my comment up to that point was going to be this will get tedious unless you develop some of the other characters. I was thinking about what made a good book (or film) for me and decided that although I am a sucker for the underdog / hero stories, I also like it when the plot has twists of other lives for me to identify with beyond the dynamic duo. I need someone to identify with and empathise with.
For example in Forrest Gump - I sided / identified with lieutenant Dan.
in Meet Joe Black - Quincy was definitely my favourite as well.
in Lord of the rings I liked Sam (Frodo was such a wet wimp about life)
I am always looking for a character in a story I can empathise or identify with and this will not normally be the main player. To be able to do this I need to know some details about them. (otherwise the story becomes a two dimensional zombie plot - even if the story is a Disney special about fluffy bunnies)
I appreciate that this comment might be jumping the gun and this is early days yet in the development of the story. I'm just putting a thought out there - more details / cameos on the sub characters needed for my tastes.
Hope these thoughts help. I will be following your posts with interest. AJ.