11-21-2013, 04:21 AM
Hi Todd,
i think I need to play catch up and find the other chapters of this as i have obviously missed them whilst I have been away. I have gathered them all into a text block to read tonight so perhaps by tommorrow i can come back to you with some further comments.
One thing that jumps out at me in this block of text is the repetative use of the character names. It feels a bit forced and IMO can have the effect of dumbing down a text when it is done to excess. If there are only a few characters in a scene then there is not such a need to name them at each action as this can be deduced easily enough.
I think you could change the sentance construction round in a few places to reduce this effect and randomised the placement of the names away from the start / finish of sentences. (If this makes any sense).
Sorry havn't got much time right now 'll try and get back and explain myself later if I can.
i think I need to play catch up and find the other chapters of this as i have obviously missed them whilst I have been away. I have gathered them all into a text block to read tonight so perhaps by tommorrow i can come back to you with some further comments.
One thing that jumps out at me in this block of text is the repetative use of the character names. It feels a bit forced and IMO can have the effect of dumbing down a text when it is done to excess. If there are only a few characters in a scene then there is not such a need to name them at each action as this can be deduced easily enough.
I think you could change the sentance construction round in a few places to reduce this effect and randomised the placement of the names away from the start / finish of sentences. (If this makes any sense).
Sorry havn't got much time right now 'll try and get back and explain myself later if I can.