Misanthropy

[tectak]

I have read aloud the poem at least a hundred times and then some, so it's unnecessary to imply I just left my wet garbage at your door. Although I generally appreciate your candour (and I'd appreciate you to continue to give honest feedback), a facecheck out of the gate isn't all too pleasant. The syntax was a deliberate choice for both the metre and impression I wanted for the reading--clearly not an impression that sat well with you. I may simply lack the understanding, but I genuinely don't see any actual syntax-errors in the example stanza.

I'll make some punctuation revisions to try to clear up any untidiness.

Sirb,
You cannot choose syntax...that is like saying you will choose a speed for light. What meter? Your grammar is all over the place in this piece. Some of the lines are unworthy of you. They only make sense by extrapolation...that is to say by acceptance of a meaning beyond what you write.

You excuse yourself thus-wise:
"I'll make some punctuation revisions to try to clear up any untidiness"??????
You should do that BEFORE posting. Read the FIRST FORUM RULE!

Now, I am sorry if what I am about to say this offends you but this is not about you. It is about the POEM:

When I was once he, a child I'd a Mother who loved me very much and so doted a great sum of time and her patience to the goal of teaching me above all that I must always learn from the nursed subtle rhymes.

If I had read this piece a hundred times I would be sticking pins in my eyes by now.. What you have written here offends me so I guess that's us all square.
Nothing retracted. This is in SERIOUS WORKSHOPPING but I will happily move it to Mild if you feel you would benefit from less er..critical crit! Your call.
Best,
tectak