Hobe Sound

[milo]

Suppose I said the colors do not blend
together like they did with you around,

the blues don't match the breakers in Hobe Sound,
the ocean's unrealistic. Would you then

return to hold my hand, to paint the sand?
My fingers shake and bristles scrape the ground

beyond the palms, the fields, the church, the town.
I cut a jagged scar into the land.

You could paint the music in the pines,
and birdsong in the skies. Suppose I said

it is impossible to shade these lines!
They dry too fast, and chip away. Instead

I wonder at how yours entwine in mine
while I engrave the stone above your head.

I know you are pretty much done with this, and overall, I have to say I quite like where you have gone with it, there are 1 or 2 very minor points of polish maybe:

I wonder if " . . to paint the sand" would read better " . . help paint the sand" to eliminate the double "to"'s

and finally, the promoted "at" in the final couplet bothers me. Really, any hard syllable would probably work, maybe even an adjective . . . "struck" "blind" "pale" "shocked" "numb"

anyway, think about it, so far it all looks good.