11-17-2013, 10:30 AM
Well...you have some spelling issues with your revision. Magnificent, pupils and dilated. If you use Mozilla Firefox or Google Chrome, it comes with a spell check that works on every site you go to--very helpful.
As soon as you've committed to a rhyming poem, you really need to stick to a consistent meter. They just come hand in hand.
I also agree there isn't enough rage. I often write about being a murderer, even though I am far from one...maybe that would scare some people LOL.
at any rate, this still needs work. Keep at it.
mel/bena
PS I'll post one of mine just for you!
As soon as you've committed to a rhyming poem, you really need to stick to a consistent meter. They just come hand in hand.
I also agree there isn't enough rage. I often write about being a murderer, even though I am far from one...maybe that would scare some people LOL.
at any rate, this still needs work. Keep at it.
mel/bena
PS I'll post one of mine just for you!