Unheard reverse edit 1. bena,keith

[bena]

Throughout you have good assonance and alliteration, and this includes the first s. but to me, it seems much weaker than the latter ones.

You are the cliché pointer-outer, I suppose I don't need to tell you about that whispering wind...

Great meter though, and I did love certain images: especially hissing grass and the double entendre of "turning" leaves. Nice rhyme scheme as well.

mel in benaville.