Coup Détente

[ChristopherSea]

final

Coup Détente

In defiant opposition to our
kean blades of Old Kentucky Blue,
centurion clones donning gold helms,
annexed our sun
and stormed en masse.

Trudging outward on
armored arthropod legs,
crabgrass took our main grounds
when water rations ran low.

Rebellious ivy ascended
our regime’s façade.
Ramparts were reclaimed,
festooned in dreadlocks.

Mum in our room,
having lost all our blooms,
we plot to reseed
another day.

-----------------------------------
lucent/tectak edit 2 Thanks folks!

Coup Détente

In defiant opposition
to our kean blades
of Old Kentucky Blue,
centurion clones donning gold helms,
annexed our sun
and stormed en masse.

Trudging outward on armored
arthropod legs, crabgrass
took our main grounds
when water rations ran low.

Rebellious ivy ascended
our regime’s façade.
Ramparts were reclaimed,
festooned in dreadlocks.

Mum in our room,
having lost all our blooms,
we plot to reseed
another day.

--------------------------------
Coup Détente

In defiant opposition
to our lean blades
of Old Kentucky Blue,
centurion clones
donning gold helms
annexed our sun
and stormed en mass.

Scuttling on their armored
arthropod legs, crabgrass
took our main grounds
when water rations ran low.

Rebellious ivy ascended
our regime’s façade.
Ramparts were reclaimed;
festooned with their dreadlocks.

Mum in our rooms,
having lost all our blooms,
we plot to reseed another day.

[lucentwavering]

In defiant opposition
to our lean blades
of Old Kentucky Blue,
centurion clones
donning gold helms
annexed our sun
and stormed en mass. [b] - 'en masse' is generally spelled with an e.

Scuttling on their armored
arthropod legs, crabgrass
took our main grounds
when water rations ran low. -I love the phrase ' armored/ arthropod legs, crabgrass.'

Rebellious ivy ascended
our regime’s façade.
Ramparts were reclaimed;
festooned with their dreadlocks. - I think the rhythm would be stronger without 'their', though the image is quite delightful.

Mum in our rooms,
having lost all our blooms,
we plot to reseed another day. - I find the rhyme here a little overdone. The last line doesn't feel right rhythmically.

I'm not entirely sure how you intend this poem to be interpreted. At first I thought you were describing some sort of alien warfare, as the arthropod centurions 'annexed our sun', but this doesn't work with the idea of a localized, Kentucky army. Then I thought it was a perhaps a riddle describing in minute and hyperbolic detail the lives of plants waiting to 'reseed' while they are overcome by an invasion of bugs. Are the blades in the first stanza Kentucky bluegrass? This seems at odds with the annexed sun, the ivy, and the (in this instance) somewhat too elaborate military imagery. But whatever you are trying to portray seems quite specific and narrative, and I feel it should thus be a clarified. Overall, I find the cadences to be quite strong and martial, which seems to compliment your topic very well!
Thanks for posting!

[ChristopherSea]

In defiant opposition
to our lean blades
of Old Kentucky Blue,
centurion clones
donning gold helms
annexed our sun
and stormed en mass. - 'en masse' is generally spelled with an e.

Scuttling on their armored
arthropod legs, crabgrass
took our main grounds
when water rations ran low. -I love the phrase ' armored/ arthropod legs, crabgrass.'

Rebellious ivy ascended
our regime’s façade.
Ramparts were reclaimed;
festooned with their dreadlocks. - I think the rhythm would be stronger without 'their', though the image is quite delightful.

Mum in our rooms,
having lost all our blooms,
we plot to reseed another day. - I find the rhyme here a little overdone. The last line doesn't feel right rhythmically.

I'm not entirely sure how you intend this poem to be interpreted. At first I thought you were describing some sort of alien warfare, as the arthropod centurions 'annexed our sun', but this doesn't work with the idea of a localized, Kentucky army. Then I thought it was a perhaps a riddle describing in minute and hyperbolic detail the lives of plants waiting to 'reseed' while they are overcome by an invasion of bugs. Are the blades in the first stanza Kentucky bluegrass? This seems at odds with the annexed sun, the ivy, and the (in this instance) somewhat too elaborate military imagery. But whatever you are trying to portray seems quite specific and narrative, and I feel it should thus be a clarified. Overall, I find the cadences to be quite strong and martial, which seems to compliment your topic very well!
Thanks for posting!

Thanks so much for the read, analysis and recommendations lucent! That en masse may have been highjacked by spellcheck, much obliged for the typo catch. I will take those meter points into consideration. The rhyme is a random one and my favorite kind, but I will change rooms to room, to lessen the blow for you. I believe a break after reseed in that final line might serve the flow for you. Your interpretation is spot on in the alien invasion. I am just using a gardening metaphor herein. The centurians are dandelions, hence the sun reference. The crabgrass and ivy are self-explanatory of course. The blades are those of Kentucky Bluegrass, my favorite lawn grass. I will have and edit up soon and credit you. Cheers!/Chris

[ChristopherSea]

lucent edit 1 is posted, thanks again!

[tectak]

lucent edit 1 Thanks!
Hi chris,
Gardening World again, yes?
Bloody crabgrass (we call it Digitaria, we mycologists...or just poacea!)
Anthropods still throws me, though.)
All will come clear...maybe.
Best,
tectak

Coup Détente

In defiant opposition
to our lean blades I want it to be "keen" blades because Pratensis has no claim to lean-ness that I can get immediately. Does it matter? Perhaps not...there's more to come!
of Old Kentucky Blue,
centurion clonesComma. Surely.
donning gold helmsComma. Surely.
annexed our sun
and stormed en masse....but "..donning gold helms" is so good it makes "en masse" seem gallically bad.

Scuttling on their armored
arthropod legs, crabgrass [b]Nope. Just don't get it. The crab=anthropod but that's it. Where is this going? We are talking GRASS here, aren't we?So what scuttles?
took our main grounds
when water rations ran low.Nicely observed. Veracity verse.

Rebellious ivy ascended
our regime’s façade.Not sure about the use of "regime" here. Do regimes have walls? Metaphorically you may be in a rack. Can't help. Sorry
Ramparts were reclaimed;Comma only here. There is a strong sentence requirement staring at you. Why deny its existence?
festooned in dreadlocks. Look. It's good. OK? It is just a little to contrived now. I don't know how you could get out of it without napalm

Mum in our room,
having lost all our blooms,
we plot to reseed
another day.Hmmm. Well, it's certainly a twisted end. Mandrake to you!

--------------------------------
Coup Détente

In defiant opposition
to our lean blades
of Old Kentucky Blue,
centurion clones
donning gold helms
annexed our sun
and stormed en mass.

Scuttling on their armored
arthropod legs, crabgrass
took our main grounds
when water rations ran low.

Rebellious ivy ascended
our regime’s façade.
Ramparts were reclaimed;
festooned with their dreadlocks.

Mum in our rooms,
having lost all our blooms,
we plot to reseed another day.

[ChristopherSea]

lucent edit 1 Thanks!
Hi chris,
Gardening World again, yes?
Bloody crabgrass (we call it Digitaria, we mycologists...or just poacea!)
Anthropods still throws me, though.)
All will come clear...maybe.
Best,
tectak

Coup Détente

In defiant opposition
to our lean blades I want it to be "keen" blades because Pratensis has no claim to lean-ness that I can get immediately. Does it matter? Perhaps not...there's more to come!
of Old Kentucky Blue,
centurion clonesComma. Surely.
donning gold helmsComma. Surely.
annexed our sun
and stormed en masse....but "..donning gold helms" is so good it makes "en masse" seem gallically bad.

Scuttling on their armored
arthropod legs, crabgrass [b]Nope. Just don't get it. The crab=anthropod but that's it. Where is this going? We are talking GRASS here, aren't we?So what scuttles?
took our main grounds
when water rations ran low.Nicely observed. Veracity verse.

Rebellious ivy ascended
our regime’s façade.Not sure about the use of "regime" here. Do regimes have walls? Metaphorically you may be in a rack. Can't help. Sorry
Ramparts were reclaimed;Comma only here. There is a strong sentence requirement staring at you. Why deny its existence?
festooned in dreadlocks. Look. It's good. OK? It is just a little to contrived now. I don't know how you could get out of it without napalm

Mum in our room,
having lost all our blooms,
we plot to reseed
another day.Hmmm. Well, it's certainly a twisted end. Mandrake to you!

--------------------------------
Coup Détente

In defiant opposition
to our lean blades
of Old Kentucky Blue,
centurion clones
donning gold helms
annexed our sun
and stormed en mass.

Scuttling on their armored
arthropod legs, crabgrass
took our main grounds
when water rations ran low.

Rebellious ivy ascended
our regime’s façade.
Ramparts were reclaimed;
festooned with their dreadlocks.

Mum in our rooms,
having lost all our blooms,
we plot to reseed another day.

Tom, thanks much. I love kean blades! Some good and obvious edits, but I don't see your problem with crabgrass. Crabs are crustaceans, crustaceans are arthropods and I can't think of a grass that looks more like the appendages of arthropods. Nonethless I shall take a look. They may well creep more than they scuttle, but I was trying to make use of the double entendre of movement and sabotoge. As always, much obliged for your all too logical and sage advice. Off to edit, by your leave, mon Capitan!