11-09-2013, 06:52 PM
Hahaha, there is nothing about this I don't like. The super sexy lady turned cat, the words that form a cat, the shame of being aroused by a poem about a cat-- wonderful! I really enjoy the moment in the poem in which I start to wonder, "what type of women has topaz eyes".
Flow is solid as well. i only wonder about the line,
"she leaves me memorized"
I think you meant to place mesmerized, as that makes much more sense. I don't know if memorized was intentional though, a play on expectations, but if it was it didn't work for me and just sort of confused me.
Oh and definitely change the poem's title. Feline gives it away when the whole fun of the poem is in the reader not knowing it at first
Flow is solid as well. i only wonder about the line,
"she leaves me memorized"
I think you meant to place mesmerized, as that makes much more sense. I don't know if memorized was intentional though, a play on expectations, but if it was it didn't work for me and just sort of confused me.
Oh and definitely change the poem's title. Feline gives it away when the whole fun of the poem is in the reader not knowing it at first
If I could say only one thing before I die, it'd probably be,
"Please don't kill me"
"Please don't kill me"