Feline

[ChristopherSea]

Wow, I really like this poem. The extended metaphor of the cat as a woman is great. Just a few small things...

As promised!

My
lady is a
connoisseur of comfort
and pampered luxury.
She ventures out
donning her richest furs,
adopting a mood of lavishness.
She saunters into the room,
alights upon my bed.
Lithe and seductive
*** on all fours ***
she stretches out in
a long elegant arc.
I draw my fingertips
from her lovely nape
down perfect contours
as she turns her head,
gazing at me in ecstasy.
In the dark, her eyes are
enchanting topaz lanterns;
she leaves me so hypnotized. I wouldn't put "so"... "She leaves me hypnotized" is better
She knows that ancients had
worshipped her as a goddess.Love this line.
Brushing her body against me,
feeling smoother than silk I know it's difficult with the shape you've created by the format of the poem, but I think "smoother than silk" is better than "feeling smoother than silk." More concise, more powerful.
she reclines into my lap
purring ever so softly,Again, I'd get rid of "so."
beckoning my
caress.
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Thank you kindly for your time and critque Emily! Your suggestions are reasonable and they probably can be incorporated, while maintaining the form with some other adjustments. Let me see what I can do! Much obliged./Chris

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Hi Chris,

Loved this. Really. Somehow you made it super sexual and almost chaste all at once.

I agree with Emily about the "so seductive" but imo keep "so softly".

What's up with ***on all fours***? I keep going back to that trying to figure out if the stars mean something or if they're just meant to take up space. Why not "on all four limbs"?

Thanks for sharing this clever little gem!

-justcloudy

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Btw each time I read it different lines pop out at me. But not always in a good way. Having issues with "adopting a mood of lavishness." right now. I loved it 5 minutes ago but now it feels clunky. "Gazing at me in ecstasy" wasn't cutting it for me 5 minutes ago, but now I'm somewhat convinced.

Dunno if that helps anything; just an observation.

Hi cloudy! Yes, it always helps. I will sculpt some of those recomendations into my next edit. Don't you recognize a diamond studed choker when see one?! I can draw that necklace all the way around her neck and move the 'on all fours' with some of those deletions. Let me give it a whirl. Thanks much!/Chris
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New Pussy Posted!