Standing on the Moors

[billy]

hi jack good effort with the meter just a couple of places you coul d edit. for me the main problem are the wordy lines.
But now we are not those
we'd normally write as

we're not pagans and tribes
but because of the meter we tend to use lots of filler. try and extend the image
we don't wear wode we're not the pagan tribes

just an example.

i like the idea behind the poem, (i love the moors) i just think you need to use more imagery instead of filler.

thanks for the read.

The moors are filled with scenes like this: would a line space enhance the pause? needs another foot.
an open village caught between two hills;can a better word than caught be used? something like sunk, or crawls (to denote movement within the village perhaps)?
beyond them lush and living greens abound, beyond the hills? if it's village then it's singular as in [it] i think.
among them rocks of coarse magnificence. feels awkward, it sounds like magnificence rocks the fields, i'm sure the wording is proper but wonder would a change of a small magnitude help, also the two [them's] on top of each other make them stand out to much; just a suggestion;
[beyond the lush and living greens abound
as one with rocks of coarse magnificence]
Bodies were sealed in this naked ground, feels a bit forced
a dance of ancient and sweet elegance
performed as one man with too many limbs.
But now we are not those pagans and tribes, feels forced, to wordy in order to fit the meter.
we are the men of discovery's light, same here
the moors we stand on blind to human vibes. vibes feels to hiphop buzzy