11-05-2013, 10:12 AM
Thank you for your very useful help with the meter, ThePinsir
You know, I kept wondering why "vibes" just didn't feel right, though that was the best rhyme I could forge. I think you've hit the nail on the head; it's too modern and weird for a pastoral. The "too many limbs" line is meant to indicate that the dance is being performed by a group of people in perfect harmony, as if they were one being. Thank you for your very helpful feedback, milo
You know, I kept wondering why "vibes" just didn't feel right, though that was the best rhyme I could forge. I think you've hit the nail on the head; it's too modern and weird for a pastoral. The "too many limbs" line is meant to indicate that the dance is being performed by a group of people in perfect harmony, as if they were one being. Thank you for your very helpful feedback, milo
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe