11-05-2013, 05:48 AM
(11-05-2013, 05:10 AM)Leanne Wrote: Excellent subject matter for a sonnet (in that ANYTHING is good subject matter for a sonnet, not just touchy feely stuff). You handle the form well for the most part and you have used contemporary language perfectly.from what I hear, Leanne is quite the poet. I'm glad to have her approval
You could try "quite confident and cool and fucking slick" in L12 to fix the meter. It's off in L10 as well unless I pronounce "chemISTS" really horribly... but I'm not sure what to suggest just now.
Nicely done
Line 12 can indeed be fixed. As for as "chemist" in line 10...I don't mind a few inverted feet here and there, especially at the start of a line.
Thanks for the review!
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!