"You only lift to pick up chicks; your head
of meat can only understand the gym,"
this bitch at school, in scoffing tones, had said
(and I should note she wasn't very slim).
I didn't grace her with a kind refute,
but held my tongue and calmly walked away.
A bodybuilder's more than just a brute,
a hollow idol only for display.
Philosophers, biologists, sometimes
chemists. Besides, my endless flow of chicks
is not because I'm big or ripped, but I'm
confident, quite cool, and fucking slick.

Before you judge us titans lifting weight,
Remember always: haters gonna hate.

Excellent subject matter for a sonnet (in that ANYTHING is good subject matter for a sonnet, not just touchy feely stuff). You handle the form well for the most part and you have used contemporary language perfectly.

You could try "quite confident and cool and fucking slick" in L12 to fix the meter. It's off in L10 as well unless I pronounce "chemISTS" really horribly... but I'm not sure what to suggest just now.

Nicely done

(11-05-2013, 05:10 AM)Leanne Wrote:  Excellent subject matter for a sonnet (in that ANYTHING is good subject matter for a sonnet, not just touchy feely stuff). You handle the form well for the most part and you have used contemporary language perfectly.

You could try "quite confident and cool and fucking slick" in L12 to fix the meter. It's off in L10 as well unless I pronounce "chemISTS" really horribly... but I'm not sure what to suggest just now.

Nicely done

from what I hear, Leanne is quite the poet. I'm glad to have her approval

Line 12 can indeed be fixed. As for as "chemist" in line 10...I don't mind a few inverted feet here and there, especially at the start of a line.

Thanks for the review!