mornings
#9
(10-24-2013, 01:18 AM)expiring_touch Wrote:  Why does it hurt so much? Or better – why does it linger,
Fermenting between the folds of my consciousness, resurrecting.
I wake up, slowly,
slowly to the unforgiving glare of a new day.
and it’s not just my shoulders
that feel discomfort
because the aircon has been turned too low
and there’s no hiding from it in my small room.
I stumble from my bed, where my body is sprawled
Diagonally. Because I’m Russian and I like to expropriate
all the spaces
that had once been yours.
I enjoyed the phrase "folds of my consciousness". I've never thought of consciousness in that way and I found it intriguing.
Like others have said "aircon" really doesn't fit in with the language of the poem and you should just say "air conditioning".

Overall I like the theme of the poem. I also enjoy how we don't find out why mornings are so painful until the end of the poem. Good work!
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Messages In This Thread
mornings - by expiring_touch - 10-24-2013, 01:18 AM
RE: mornings - by ThePinsir - 10-24-2013, 02:03 AM
RE: mornings - by johannat - 10-30-2013, 09:58 AM
RE: mornings - by drithebee - 10-31-2013, 03:17 AM
RE: mornings - by Orion - 10-31-2013, 06:36 AM
RE: mornings - by Jacob - 10-31-2013, 07:17 AM
RE: mornings - by Blunt - 11-01-2013, 10:32 PM
RE: mornings - by Graystar - 11-02-2013, 05:00 PM
RE: mornings - by lachaser33 - 11-04-2013, 10:36 AM
RE: mornings - by billy - 11-04-2013, 11:10 AM
RE: mornings - by Keaner222 - 11-04-2013, 12:30 PM
RE: mornings - by nhanna1223 - 02-04-2014, 11:23 AM



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