June

[tectak]

Round wooden barrel with a fifth of rain water, still.
Gravel litters the space below, Not a bit of grass has grown.
To the left, pine it must be, a home built with time
Oaks and fellow maples cast a shadow around the small abode.
The birds fly through the sky singing a melody quite known,
Heat is compounding over surfaces as if seen by the eye.
It must be ninety, very well could be the day the ground is
broken only if the wind will blow.

Hi RC,
Forgive me for reformatting your layout but my head does this to poetry anyway. This is how I read you. Look at it, read it with me. Begin.
The opening sentence isn't. What does "still" mean? Unmoving or remaining? The context is unclear. Irritating. Next line.What gravel? What space?OK. Think.Is this barrel a house? A dwelling place? Are we talking about a gravel drive or parking area? So what does the rainwater refer to? And grass...not growing...in gravel...so what? Nope. Beats me. To the left? Left of what? Pine you say? No. Oaks. No. Maples.AHA!It IS an abode! Obscured but why?Why? The birds sing a quite known song? Huh? Makes no sense.Heat is compounding?Nor does that. Or is it quite known, heat?After all, it's only a comma.Hmmm...and if the wind "will" blow? "...if only the wind blows". Surely.
Now, you can see how a pleasing concept can be ruined by poetically "inspired" imprecision. The reader spends more time trying to work out what the writer is "trying" to say than on the essence of the piece. Shame.
Best,
tectak


Round wooden barrel with a fifth of rain water, still.
Gravel litters the space below, not a bit of grass has grown.
To the left, pine it must be, a home built with time Oaks and fellow maples cast a shadow around the small abode.
The birds fly through the sky singing a melody quite known, heat is compounding over surfaces as if seen by the eye.
It must be ninety, very well could be the day the ground isbroken only if the wind will blow.