Primal

[jdvanwijk]

Thanks. Of course I'll need to do the work.

Still... aliens??

Thanks for your feedback, very useful! About the second verse, what you guessed at was correct: just before the scream, the narrator thinks about his neighbours and for the moment he hates them for being there. It sets up a train of thought with the narrator that modern society in general confines his "wish to scream" (which could of course stand for many other things...) and that there is no escaping it. Would you have any advice how to make this clearer in the poem?

All best!
Jan

I really like the ideas here. Minimal editing required, it[/b] just needs some tinkering.

I've edited my notes on S1 to be more accurate, and i think you'll find the updated notes more helpfull. I was in outer space originally. sorry about that. As far as ideas, this is not a collaboration, but a workshop; I'm sure you'll think of something.