10-26-2013, 12:30 AM
I like it I think it could use a bit of tune up here and there, my biggest qualm was the second line, the use of the word wave doen't make much sense. I think if you used wade like wading through water it would fit better and its practically the same, my next issue is that it starts with a scene and gets really sporadic, it goes from water to a hotel room to an inner monologue and back around to a beach, which I am not against the muliple narrative, I think what you could do is find a way to start it differently so the reader isn't instantly connected with the setting of the water so that it can be introduced more as a metaphor, as far as theme you have my thumbs up,