Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation)

Hello There, Guest! Register

WILL ALL MEMBERS PLEASE GIVE FEEDBACK BEFORE POSTING A POEM IN ANY OF THE MAIN WORKSHOPS.

Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation)

ellajam Offline

Offline

Consensually Agreeable

Posts: 1,325
Threads: 82
Joined: Sep 2013

#31

10-25-2013, 09:00 PM

(10-25-2013, 08:52 PM)Todd Wrote: The punctuation is a welcome change. Just weighing in with an opinion on the other two changes.

L5: I like the phrasing of the original.

Same/still: I like same. If you were to change it. I favor something like this (for your consideration).

Your empty house sits still
snuggled in its footprint

Just a thought to confuse matters more.

Big Grin

Thanks for reading and for your opinions, Todd. Confused? Over-editing? Who me? Big Grin

Big Grin

billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips

Reply

« Next Oldest | Next Newest »

Messages In This Thread

Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation) - by ellajam - 09-10-2013, 07:22 AM

RE: Two For Alice - by cidermaid - 09-10-2013, 04:47 PM

RE: Two For Alice - by billy - 09-10-2013, 05:40 PM

RE: Two For Alice - by ellajam - 09-10-2013, 08:06 PM

RE: Two For Alice - by ChristopherSea - 09-10-2013, 08:51 PM

RE: Two For Alice - by ellajam - 09-10-2013, 10:13 PM

RE: Two For Alice - by ChristopherSea - 09-10-2013, 10:31 PM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #1) - by spookyfoot - 09-11-2013, 08:38 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #1) - by ellajam - 09-11-2013, 09:59 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #2) - by ChristopherSea - 09-11-2013, 12:07 PM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #2) - by ellajam - 09-11-2013, 12:26 PM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #2) - by ChristopherSea - 09-11-2013, 07:02 PM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #2) - by billy - 09-11-2013, 12:41 PM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #2) - by ellajam - 09-11-2013, 12:53 PM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #2) - by billy - 09-11-2013, 01:12 PM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #2) - by ellajam - 09-11-2013, 09:17 PM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #2) - by rowens - 09-12-2013, 12:16 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #2) - by Todd - 09-12-2013, 01:48 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #2) - by ellajam - 09-12-2013, 02:40 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #3) - by ellajam - 09-15-2013, 02:16 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #3) - by cidermaid - 09-15-2013, 02:36 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #3) - by ellajam - 09-15-2013, 02:45 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4) - by ellajam - 10-16-2013, 11:59 PM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4) - by tectak - 10-17-2013, 12:49 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4) - by ellajam - 10-17-2013, 01:16 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4) - by tectak - 10-17-2013, 04:18 PM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4) - by ellajam - 10-17-2013, 11:36 PM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4) - by tectak - 10-18-2013, 12:05 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4) - by ellajam - 10-25-2013, 07:50 PM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4) - by Todd - 10-25-2013, 08:52 PM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4) - by ellajam - 10-25-2013, 09:00 PM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4) - by tectak - 10-26-2013, 04:43 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4) - by ellajam - 10-26-2013, 05:12 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation) - by tectak - 10-26-2013, 05:44 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation) - by ellajam - 10-26-2013, 06:05 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation) - by tectak - 10-26-2013, 06:15 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation) - by yourfellowhuman - 12-03-2013, 09:40 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation) - by ellajam - 12-03-2013, 09:52 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation) - by Canaan McGee - 12-04-2013, 11:21 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation) - by ellajam - 12-04-2013, 11:39 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation) - by Todd - 12-04-2013, 11:42 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation) - by milo - 12-04-2013, 11:45 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation) - by ellajam - 12-04-2013, 11:54 AM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation) - by milo - 12-04-2013, 12:44 PM

RE: Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation) - by ellajam - 12-04-2013, 12:58 PM

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)