10-25-2013, 08:52 PM
The punctuation is a welcome change. Just weighing in with an opinion on the other two changes.
L5: I like the phrasing of the original.
Same/still: I like same. If you were to change it. I favor something like this (for your consideration).
Your empty house sits still
snuggled in its footprint
Just a thought to confuse matters more.
L5: I like the phrasing of the original.
Same/still: I like same. If you were to change it. I favor something like this (for your consideration).
Your empty house sits still
snuggled in its footprint
Just a thought to confuse matters more.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson