Two For Alice (Edit #4 with punctuation)

[ellajam]

My path through tectak's notes:

Punctuation for edit#4

Winter

Your empty house sits,
snuggled in its same footprint,
porches forming wings
ready to take off across
the lake's icy reflection.

Half glassed for winter,
half screened to catch summer's breeze,
your home sang your soul:
cradled it during your stay,
released it to soar in joy.


Spring

Red geraniums
christen April's first boat ride;
Alice's daughter
wakes her mother's home from sleep,
grandchildren wade the shoreline.

Counting her pennies
to buy what she can't let go,
she clears the hallways,
blueprints drawn for room to grow,
mom's favorites replanted.

Clarifying L5

Your empty house sits,
snuggled in its same footprint,
porches forming wings
ready to take off across
the lake's reflective thin ice.

While this clarifies, I'm not sure I haven't lost something here.


The dreaded, dreadful Same

I tried this:

Your empty house stands
firm, snuggled in its footprint,
porches forming wings
ready to take off across
the lake's reflective thin ice.

then this:


Your empty house sits
still snuggled in its footprint
porches forming wings
ready to take off across
the lake's reflective thin ice

I like "still" because it can work as "sits still" or "still snuggled", but only if I remove the punctuation. Aaaarrrgghh. Good thing there's no deadline.

I want to thank again each one who commented in any way. I consider your notes with each edit, a huge help.